Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
