In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
