One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends