she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.