They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.