RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us