Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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