I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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