Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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