OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
