I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
