Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
