I skipped work to stalk him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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