Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize