I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
