bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
