Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
