My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
