I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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