I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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