you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
