i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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