Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
