If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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