rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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