I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
