She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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