Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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