Fine. I'll sleep in my office
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So vagazzling was a success
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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