I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
