Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize