The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
