The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
