I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
