I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize