Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
