there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am one with the molecules
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
