we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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