my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize