Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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