The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
