I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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