Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
