i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
