I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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