It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
