I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
