I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
