mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
