Can Purell be used as lube?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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