I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
