Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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