I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
