why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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