did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
