Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
