The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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