YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
