Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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