he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
