if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
