Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
