bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
