got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
