I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So many bounce houses so little time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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