I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
