I wish I only lived at night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
