Don't you send me to vm
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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