My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
