Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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