We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
