Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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