So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
