In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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