There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
