ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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