What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
