First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
