It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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