I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
