I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
