sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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