Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
