Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
