I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
